Collins Comments by Kelly Collins

Beware the dreaded Zukist

It is late spring. Gardens are flourishing every where. Some things are already being harvested; onions for one. Many things are on the edge of fruition. I, with the help of others have even planted a garden this year. Four kinds of peppers, four kinds of tomatoes, radishes, green beans and other things. There are always weeds but those can be dealt with.

I haven't done a garden in a long time. The last time it was a disaster, every thing came up, almost bore fruit and died except the squash. Squash is as tough as a weed. It is always a good year for squash. The year of my last garden every one had squash in abundance. One would wake up in the morning open the front door and find a plastic grocery bag on the front porch filled with squash, sometimes more than one variety in the bag.

A friend of mine had been given a lot of squash, more than one man could eat in a year. He received a package from friends in San Francisco that was small but heavy. He was thinking salami or some such thing. His friends had mailed to him two zucchini squash.

It is near that time of year again so I thought to warn you of the squash terrorists that will be out. It is time to lock your car doors when you go to church, time to unchain the guard dog to prevent these terrorists from leaving their gifts with you.

These are dedicated people and have practiced this terrorism for years. I will give you some hints other than above to avoid being “Zuked” You know who they are even if you can't prove it. Avoid eye contact with these people. If they shout out your name pretend you didn't hear them and walk quickly but calmly away. You have the advantage, as they will be burdened with sacks of gooseneck, zucchini, and other kinds of squash.

It is inevitable that at least one of these terrorists will make it to your front door with the little white bags. Don't panic, bring them inside, and place in a cool dark corner until midnight, then you can safely sneak out to the dumpster with them.

Another method is to go on the offensive. When your squash starts producing more than you can use take the excess and place it in a grocery bags and put it on your own front porch with a sign, Free Squash. Please take one. You can rotate the old to the dumpster and put fresh squash out every few days.

Never let your guard down, follow my guidelines and you will lessen the impact of being zuked this year.


Boise City News
P.O. Box 278
105 W. Main Street
Boise City, Oklahoma 73933-0278
Phone: 580 544-2222
Fax: 580 544-3281
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