Slinging a smooth stone
Product precautionary warnings redeaux
by C.F. David, Editor
The Boise City News

While writing this column at Dumas' Moore County News H Press I made a study of how American companies have to cover their proverbial fannies to avoid lawsuits by...well for lack of a better term...stupid consumers.

Some time, just for fun as you are shopping, turn the product you are buying over and read the warning on the back.

While taking a tour at a few local stores I learned that:

Super Glue contains cyanoacrylate. I have no clue what that is; however if it comes into contact with your skin, through you clothes it could result in burns. So this means if you lose a button off your shirt/blouse, a safety pin is still the best bet. The warning continues that if the glue were to be ingested not to induce vomiting. I assume this would be wise since if you swallowed the glue your teeth would very likely be stuck together.

Another warning; If you get car wash soap in your eyes flush them for 15-minutes. But they say nothing about the danger of high-pressure nozzles.

Aroma Therapy room spray; the instructions say the spray may be used anywhere in the home. But; the warning reads, don't use around heat, sparks, open flames or red hot surfaces; do not intentionally inhale fumes. This means I assume the same amount accidentally inhaled won't hurt you.

Shampoo: For external use only.

Hair spray: Don't smoke until your hair is dry.

After shave: Don't use while smoking.

Well shucks those two regulate romance I guess.

Tooth paste: Do not swallow. To prevent swallowing, use a pea size amount in children under six. Well that's good to know. But won't mommy get mad when you brush your teeth with Johnny?

B eard and mustache dye: May cause blindness if used on eyebrows. May cause loss of skin pigmentation; test first.

Well I guess that answers all the questions about Michael Jackson. He's been dying his beard and eyebrows.

Hydrocortisone pet spray: Potential Gold fish swallowers should read this carefully I assume. For external pet use only.

Flea spray for dogs: Don't use on cats; fatal to fish. Soooo, if your Guppie has fleas I guess it's out of luck.

Flea collar: For external use only; but if ingested, sip soapy water (if you can swallow).

Insect repellent: For external use only; which means you'll have to find something else for those cranky intestinal parasites.

White out: Avoid contact with fabrics. Maybe that's how hemlines crept up?

Microwave popcorn: Don't leave microwave unattended. Especially if you just brought it home from the store; it might be homesick.

Microwave pizza: Let stand for five minutes before enjoying. Who wants to eat a foot weary pizza?

Gold spray paint: May cause hearing loss after years of use; may be extracted in human milk, (Yuk.) may defat skin, (This is a bad thing? I think I'll spray my belly gold.)

Easter egg dye: Not reccommended for the unsupervised use by children under three years of age.

Glue on dolls eyes (15mm size): For decrative use only; not for children under six.

The word for the week is: vouchsafe