Note to Earth: Global warming? Put on a hat.

There have been for years, scientists and pseudo-scientists, (aka Robert Kennedy, Jr.) that have been claiming that the Earth, because of “greenhouse gases” is warming and one day, the polar ice caps will be the size of two ice cubes.

But never fear, yet another group of scientists have thought up a way to stave off global warming.

There are some estimates that the earth will warm from one to 20 degrees over the next two or three centuries; perhaps making Miami , New York and Los Angeles resemble Venice … Italy .

Jerome Pearson, of Star Technology and Research has the answer. He basically wants to put…well…a bonnet on the Earth to keep her from getting... heat stroke.

Pearson claims that if you could reduce solar insolation, (Exposure of an object to the Sun.), by 1.6 percent it would overcome a three degree temperature rise.

He points out that when the volcano Mt. Pinatubo erupted in the Philippines in 1991, the global climate cooled by about a degree because of the aerosols pumped into the atmosphere.

He wants to place reflective particles in orbit at the equator. The reflective particles, could in theory, be mined from asteroids, the Earth or the moon. In addition, small “micro-spacecraft” with reflective umbrellas would also be deployed.

The estimated cost for this scientific nightmare is $6 to $200 trillion, (That's about 12 zeros folks) to put up the shiny rocks. It'll take another $500 billion to put up the umbrellas.

It is theorized that after the project is in place, the night sky will be lit up like a full moon, (forever more).

It sounds as if Pearson and others, while pondering this plan, might have collected far too many umbrellas from far too many pina colodas.

Now I see some real problems with this plan.

F Most communication satellites are placed in orbit at the equator. What will putting a bunch of shiny rocks and glorified cocktail umbrellas do to our TV reception? If I can't watch “Desperate Housewives” and 30 different versions of “CSI” and “Law and Order”, I am not gonna be happy.

F In the six months it's supposed to be dark in Alaska , what will wildlife do in bright moonlight? If they can't figure out how to get around the Alaskan pipeline to breed, will they even try if it's never dark?

F For those extraterrestrials, zipping through the galaxy, will they become confused on where to turn, and mistake Earth for Saturn with its rings?

Who knows, perhaps male extraterrestrials are much like our men drivers. Sometime in the future it might happen like this:

“Joe, look here at the star map; we took a wrong turn two light-years back.”

“Honey, they told me to turn left at Saturn. You saw the rings, that's where I turned.”

“But Joe…

Kid from the back: “Are we there yet?”

“Gloria, I don't wanna hear it; I turned at Saturn.”

“No Bobbie, it's five more light-years, and quit touching your sister.”

“Joe…there was only one moon, and Saturn has at least 19, plus the rings. Look.”

“Dang. You mean we gotta backtrack? We'll be late for the ballgame.”

“No, the map shows an asteroid just ahead. If you turn there, it shows a shortcut. It isn't the Intergalactic Freeway, and there aren't any bathrooms. But, there are some scenic overlooks. We should make up time, and it might be fun.”

“Are we there yet? What's the next planet? Suzie breathed on me.”

“Don't make me stop this saucer!!!”

We have got to nip this idea in the bud.

Anyone got RFK Juniors phone number?

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